


i'm only seventeen (i don't know anything, but i know i miss you)

by ifthebookdoesntsell



Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, Rejanis, betty specifically, it's about the yearning, the obligatory fic based on taylor swift's new album
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-26
Updated: 2020-07-26
Packaged: 2021-03-06 03:22:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,319
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25536535
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ifthebookdoesntsell/pseuds/ifthebookdoesntsell
Summary: She hates what they’ve become, how they both hurt each other. She hates how, on particularly lonely nights, it’s easy for her to recall what it was like to be twelve with Regina in the other girl’s backyard, lying on the grass and staring at the stars, caught between the new tree that was just put into the soil and the boxes filled with growing vegetables. She hates how they both did horrible things, about how they’re older now, how they understand that blame is an unnecessary force.She hates how, if she tries hard enough, she can still remember what it’s like to love Regina, can remember how she felt watching Regina dance with some dumb boy, can remember how it felt before everything went to hell.(Or, another rejanis reconciliation fic. This time, it's one based on "betty" by Taylor Swift.)
Relationships: Regina George/Janis Sarkisian
Comments: 10
Kudos: 52





	i'm only seventeen (i don't know anything, but i know i miss you)

**Author's Note:**

> hi! okay, okay, seriously, my multi-chaps, they'll be here soon. but after listening to "betty" off of folklore, i couldn't get this concept of my head. i know i've been on a bit of a rejanis kick lately, but i'm glad that y'all are enjoying it. this is another one of my takes on them. i hope you enjoy. and, as always, stay safe <3
> 
> obviously, title from "betty" by taylor swift. go listen.
> 
> _("yeah, i showed up at your party  
>  will you have me? will you love me?  
> will you kiss me on the porch  
> in front of all your stupid friends?  
> if you kiss me, will it be just like i dreamed it?  
> will it patch your broken wings?  
> i'm only seventeen, i don't know anything  
> but i know i miss you.") _

Janis has stopped riding her skateboard by Regina’s house. She knows it’s inefficient, but there’s something about rolling by the George property with its white picket fence and perfect brick that makes her unable to breathe. 

She doesn’t know if it’s because Regina has just gotten back from the hospital, or because she heard from Inez that the damage will never truly go away, or if it’s simply because of what happened that summer before the eighth grade combined with what she, herself, did in retaliation, but she knows she can’t do it anymore. 

She hates what they’ve become, how they both hurt each other. She hates how, on particularly lonely nights, it’s easy for her to recall what it was like to be twelve with Regina in the other girl’s backyard, lying on the grass and staring at the stars, caught between the new tree that was just put into the soil and the boxes filled with growing vegetables. She hates how they both did horrible things, about how they’re older now, how they understand that blame is an unnecessary force. 

She hates how, if she tries hard enough, she can still remember what it’s like to love Regina, can remember how she felt watching Regina dance with some dumb boy, can remember how it felt before everything went to hell. 

***

For the first time in three years, Janis doesn’t request to switch homerooms when she sees Regina’s name on the roster. 

There’s apologizing that needs to be done, from both of them, and avoiding it any longer would leave the lingering question of _what if_ in Janis’ brain forever.

They're seniors. It's almost time to give up on childish dreams. This means facing the mistakes they've made. 

***

It turns out, Regina isn’t that open to talking. At least not to her. Janis knows that Regina has parties, knows that her mom will basically let her do anything, especially after Regina’s dad got up and left after the accident. She knows that Regina is trying to be kinder. 

That doesn’t mean she got an invitation to any of the festivities. 

Sometimes, Janis wonders what it would be like if she just walked down and crossed the street, if she rang the bell. She wonders whether Regina would let her in, whether she would tell her to go fuck herself, or if she would drag her back into the garden just like old times. 

She tries to banish the thoughts from her mind. She’s only seventeen. What does she know?

(She knows she misses Regina. She knows that she doesn’t know anything but that. She knows that over the summer, she went to art camp. 

She knows that the pretty girl from the third floor, Elizabeth, said, “Janis, get in, let’s drive.”

She knows that those easy days of driving down to the lake and drawing turned into nights in each other’s beds. She knows that, however much she tried to tell herself differently, the only person she thought of in those moments was Regina. 

Somehow, it felt like a betrayal. Even after so much time has passed.)

***

By December, they’re in a better place. It’s not perfect; but they can pass each other in the hall, make eye contact, wave at each other, and when Ms. Norbury puts them together for the calculus project, neither of them protest. They don’t go to each other’s houses for the project, mostly sticking to the library for the week they have to work together. 

They don’t talk much, but it’s peaceful enough, and Regina says Janis’ name without disdain. They pass pens and paper back and forth, ignoring the spark they feel when their fingers touch, both missing the blush on the others face when they simultaneously decide it’s better to just look away. 

One day, Janis can’t stop herself from saying what’s on her mind. 

“You know, I’m really sorry,” she tells Regina, continuing to letter their title at the top of their poster-board. “You don’t have to say anything. Just thought you should know.”

Surprisingly, Regina turns to look at her, blue eyes as piercing as ever.

“I’m sorry too.” Regina meets her gaze, and Janis feels like her heart could jump out of her chest. “I know it’s not worth much. But I am.”

 _It’s worth everything_ , Janis wants to say. 

She doesn’t. But when she goes home, she dreams of a future with forgiveness and something _new_ , something she was never able to define before. 

It’s not that she’s ready to forget what happened, to completely absolve either of them of what they did, but there’s a feeling that’s different, and she wants to explore it. 

Her curiosity has always gotten the best of her. 

***

The school day gets easier after that. Seeing Regina in homeroom doesn’t make her sweaty anymore, and she’s even found it in herself to sit next to the blonde on the days where she gets there late and there aren’t many open seats. 

They’ll smile at each other shyly, pass the attendance clipboard, and Janis will ignore how fast her heart is beating. 

(It’s untameable, the way, even after all this time, with just a simple apology, the situation between them already feels like it’s shifting.

It’s terrifying, and it feels a lot like she’s jumping blindly off some cliff. 

It’s scary because Janis can’t quiet the little voice in her head that is saying she likes the swooping feeling in her gut.)

***

Janis knows that the George household has a Christmas party every year on the 23rd. The Sarkisians have been getting invites for it for the past couple of holidays, despite Janis and Regina’s falling out. Janis’ mom thinks that it’s Sabrina’s doing, a backhanded way for her to say that she thinks their daughters should make up. 

For years, Janis has resisted going over there, even as her mother urged her to, telling her that it would at least be good to get some closure. This is the first time since the eighth grade that she’s actually thought about attending.

***

She thinks it over at length, consulting both Damian and Cady on the matter, who both agree that it would be good for Regina and Janis to talk things over beyond simple apologies, to catch up, to talk about whatever’s building between them, a change that both of her friends have noticed in the past couple of weeks. 

“I’ve noticed you smiling at her in the hall!” Damian yells on the phone excitedly. “I mean, we haven’t forgiven her yet--”

“Since when is this a _we_ thing?” Cady chimes in. “Isn’t it Janis’ decision?”

“It is,” Damian confirms. “But you know she needs reassurance sometimes.”

“I’m literally on the line,” Janis objects, but she knows he means well, that it’s just his way of showing he cares. 

Damian just laughs, and Janis rolls her eyes. 

It feels good to have good friends, and yet, it makes her think of the one she lost four years ago. It makes her truly confront the whisperings in her heart that she's tried to quiet since then. 

***

Late at night, Janis can’t help but think about what she’s going to say. The party isn’t for another few weeks, but if she’s going to go, she may as well plan out every detail that she can, since she doesn’t know what Regina’s going to do. 

She could start with another apology. Or she could start by talking about Elizabeth, about the summer, about how she’s always wondered what could’ve been if the eighth grade hadn’t happened. She could tell Regina that it would be okay to tell her to go fuck herself. She could tell her that she would really like it if they could both get another shot. 

She weighs the possibilities, and, ultimately, she shelves them away in her mind. For once Janis needs to trust herself to pick the right thing to do in the moment. 

Because this is Regina. Whether Janis likes it or not, she _knows_ her. Which means that she can’t script anything. She can think about it all she wants, write out different scenarios, but Regina never liked to stick to the books 

***

The night of the 23rd, Janis throws on her most acceptable outfit, a pair of dark jeans, a nice enough cardigan and her jean jacket, and heads out. It’s lightly snowing out, but Janis braves the cold, making a left in the direction of Regina’s house. 

She’s still a few blocks away, but she can feel her heart jumping between her stomach and her throat every step she takes. This is the last time that she can _imagine_ how the talk between them could go, rather than actually have to face the unknown. 

She crosses the street. Two more houses. 

There are lights on inside, and she can tell that the place is bustling with activity, lights strung along the roof and music blaring out the singular open window that Janis knows is above the kitchen sink. She hesitates, contemplating going home, but she shakes herself out of it, hardening her resolve and walking up to the house. 

Her finger hovers over the doorbell. 

_(What if she gets rejected? What will Regina say? What will all of Regina's stupid friends say?)_

(She hears Damian’s voice telling her to get over herself, and Cady’s more encouraging one telling her that she can do it. 

She nods to nobody in particular.)

She rings, trying not to hold her breath. 

It feels like forever while Janis waits for the sound of footsteps to reach the door. She rocks back and forth on her heels, shoving her hands into her pockets. Maybe she should just go. Maybe somebody peeked and saw it was her in the window. Maybe they’re all having a grand laugh at her expense-- 

“Janis?” 

Janis almost falls off the step when Regina opens the door; she was so lost in thought. 

“Hi!” 

Janis kicks herself. No need to sound so excited. 

Regina seems to be confused too, tilting her head slightly. 

“Is there something you need?”

Janis hesitates for a moment, grasping for the right words. 

“It’s Christmas,” she finally settles on. 

Regina cracks a smile. 

“Yes, yes it is.” The blonde shifts awkwardly. “What does that have to do with you standing on my front doorstep?” 

“I’m here to apologize,” Janis blurts out. “And I know that we did the formal ones when we were in the library that day, and that you’re probably having a lot of fun with your friends, but I wanted to say it again. And some other things too. Christmas spirit, you could say?” 

Regina looks at her curiously before she nods, stepping out onto the limited space on the porch and shutting the door. 

“What are these _other things?”_ she asks. 

Janis takes in a breath. Now or never. 

“I miss you.” Regina looks at her, evidently shocked. Janis rushes to fill in the gaps. “And I know that it’s completely weird for me to say so, because it’s been _years_ but I thought you should know. I think we’re both better people now. Older. And I’ve been really big on second chances lately. I thought… maybe we could give each other that for the holidays this year.” Regina stares at her for a moment, and Janis doesn’t know what to do, if she said something wrong. She shakes her head. “Never mind. I’ll just go--”

“I would like that.”

“You would like if I left?” Janis feels unexplainably hurt.

“No!” Regina says quickly. “I would like if we could… give each other a second chance.” 

The air is heavy between them, their admissions out in the open. They're barely three feet apart, but it feels like miles, still. 

“Oh.” Janis’ heart is beating up her ribcage. “Okay. So what would that entail? We could hang out? Or we could just catch up? Or we could talk about what happened--” 

“Calm down, Jay,” Regina interrupts, and Janis feels her pulse stumble at the use of her old nickname. “We don’t have to make this hard. I know why you’re really here.” 

Janis looks at her dumbly. 

“Why am I here?”

(There’s no way Regina knows how she feels. No way that she might--)

“I’ve felt it too,” Regina confesses. “I have for a long time. Probably since… since we really talked that last time.” 

Janis opens her mouth, and then she closes it again. 

“You mean that you--”

Regina cuts her off, taking a step forward and fisting a hand in Janis’ collar, pulling her down so that she can kiss her cheek in response. 

The simple press of lips to Janis' skin feels like something mending inside of her. Like something is finally willing to be fixed.

“Yeah. I am," Regina answers softly. She spies Gretchen and Karen gesturing to her gleefully in the window, but she ignores them. She tries not to smile. "I know I’m a little late."

It's shy, tentative, as she looks up to see the other girl's reaction. 

“But not too late,” Janis replies gently, grabbing Regina's hand gently. “There are… things we need to talk about. But let’s see what can happen. I’ve always wondered, you know?” 

Regina hesitates for a brief moment, looking for an excuse. 

(Her uncertainty makes sense to Janis.

It must be difficult to hand her heart over with the possibility of it being broken when, previously, she's always been the heartbreaker.) 

“We’re seventeen, Jay. We’re almost grown up.” 

(Despite her own reservations, despite how Janis thought she needed to learn to give up on childish dreams, she realizes, in this moment, that she can't give up on this one. Not without another try. This is her facing her mistakes instead of splattering paint over them. This is her learning to be kinder. To Regina. And to herself, too.)

Janis smiles, shrugging her shoulders. 

“So what?” 

**Author's Note:**

> did you enjoy this fic? if so, consider telling me what you liked about it below. it makes my day when i get the little ao3 emails in my inbox with a comment and kudo, so think about dropping one (or both!) of those to make me smile. 
> 
> as always, i'm @ifthebookdoesntsell on tumblr. come yell at me! (i might take a prompt or two ;) )


End file.
